my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
