The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
