he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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