New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Houston, we have a blender
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
