oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
