He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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