what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
