So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
