I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no you cant smoke seaweed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
