Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
