I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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