remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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