4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
