You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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