how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
