She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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