So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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