I hate all girls vehemently.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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