God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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