you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
