Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
