you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
