so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
