im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
