Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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