My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
