You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
