also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
