The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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