I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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