Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?