I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.