I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.