theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.