Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"