alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
