how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
