Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
