So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
