So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
