Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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