I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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