The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
