I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
