Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
