I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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