you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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