why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
