You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
