This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
being pregnant is like rehab
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
