Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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