So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
