I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
