i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
