You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think your dad took our porno
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
