porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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