I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD