Will you blow on my dice?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.