I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to