I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good