Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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