Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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