Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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