Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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