I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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