Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
