Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
