Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
