like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
