I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
