Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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