You work out of a Hotel?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
